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Jonathan Ancer: Mixing drinks with the prez

The invitation plopped into my inbox. The pleasure of my company was being requested at “The Presidential Cocktail”. After Jacob Zuma’s reply to responses to his State of the Nation address, he was going to hobnob with diplomats, dignitaries, bigwigs, VIPs, whips and a crossword junkie.

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Jonathan Ancer: For whom the Dairybelle tolls

If the young parmisans succeed, cheese will be banned. I broke the news to The Shrink, my crossword companion.
“Even toasted cheese sandwiches will be outlawed – so will your favourite part, the crust. There will be no exceptions for Crustians. Juju is the Anti-Crust. The thought is too much to camembert.”

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Save the South African ostrich industry: eat ostrich!

Pity the poor ostrich. Not the prettiest of old birds to begin with, let’s be honest. The only beautiful thing about you is your feathers, and they pluck them off you to sell to rich Frenchwomen, drag queens, Rio carnival dancers and Lady Gaga. To a human kid, you’re a horse with feathers. You think ‘those kids are biltong’ but mommy and daddy are watching, so you make it look less obvious that you’re trying to throw them off.

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